Friday, 15 April 2016

A Four Hour Cruise (lyrics)

On a still November morning
The fog rolled in without warning
Just as we were casting off
With a Great Lake to cross

Twenty-eight miles straight
Set a course for three thirty eight
Four hours motoring would take us there
Until the fog came, the morning was fair

It was this last window of good weather
That Jim and I would try together
To get Sequoia across Ontario
To Toronto, to be her home

Fuel, check. Dog, check. Lunch, check
Radio doesn’t work. What the heck
The motor was brand new and
Had never been properly run in

We motored slowly out the river
Into the chop where we shivered
The fog was cold, the sun weak
Drops of moisture beaded the teak

The river current meets the lake wind
If you don’t fight it you’ll spin
Visibility was fifty feet
In weather like this you can’t cheat

Couldn’t get the radar to work
Now, as the pilot, I felt like a jerk
No radar, no radio, just eyes and a cell
This picnic cruise was looking like hell

Midway across Lake Ontario
The motor sputtered and started to go
We throttled back and nursed it
But in fifteen minutes we burst it

Dead in the water, fog all around
We weren’t in danger, weren’t going to drown
But we had committed a number of sins
And all our resources were growing thin

Out of the fog came looming
The police launch we usually see zooming
Across the harbor but this time
They were coming to throw us a line

I had gotten a buddy on my cell phone
It just barely had the guts to reach home
He texted the towboat’s number to me
I called, and asked them to come to sea

The police stayed with us ‘til the towboat came
They bid us goodbye, we did the same
The tow pilot put on a bridle
Off we went, with our prop in idle

Two hours it took to get to Toronto
At the end of a long wandering tow
We were nudged and bumped into our slip
And then I grabbed my stuff and jumped ship

It was supposed to be a four hour cruise
I’d done it before, it wasn’t news
Bad preparation pooched the trip
And I won’t sail again on that ship


Here's To Rock 'n' Roll

The music has guided me
And moved me all my life
Rock ‘n’ Roll will always be
My mother, my lover, my wife

I saw Mick and the Stones
Tour Exile on Main Street
Back then he had tone
And the jumpsuit fit so neat

I saw Pink Floyd at the Big “O”
The pig got away from them there
It started to fly off low
It was gone half way through Wish You Were Here

Elton John played for three solid hours
Eight costume changes too
He paused for less than half an hour
And played every song he knew

I saw Dave Van Ronk in Montreal
My hero, the man who taught Dylan
At the Yellow Door, and he played all
His best blues and it was thrilling

I was at Summer Jam at Watkin’s Glen
With the Dead, the Allmans and the Band
When it rained, everyone got wet as hens
But, in the end it was all just grand

I’ve seen Dylan three times
He was OK, then terrible, then OK
I never saw him when he was fine
But, then again, that’s the price you pay

Joni played one of those shows with Bob
It was at the Gardens and the sound was poor
She tossed out everything she could lob
But none of it made it off the floor

I saw a show where “No Show” didn’t show
But I met Merle Haggard there
I had a backstage pass, and it allowed
Me to meet June Carter Cash, so fair

I never saw the Eagles or Bruce
Two bands that fit my profile well
The E Street Band is still running loose
But Hotel California’s an empty shell

The music has guided me
And moved me all my life
Rock ‘n’ Roll will always be
My mother, my lover, my wife


Saturday, 2 April 2016

A Life In Cars

My first car was a  '61 Cortina
I rolled it on Duck Farm Road
Stuck my head out the vertical window
And said “well I’ll be towed”

I’d learned to drive that summer
On a clapped out '65 Volvo 123
It lacked a fender and a wiper
And it didn’t have a battery

I’d have to park it on hills
And bump start it down the scree
It almost killed me doing that
When it pinned my arm to a tree

I didn’t get my license for years
You didn’t really have to in Quebec
I didn’t have insurance either
I was hopeless if there was a wreck

I graduated to real cars, Ladas, two
Some of the best cars I’ve called mine
They had wipers on the headlights
And a power takeoff to run a combine

I ended up owning Mazda 3s
I’m up to four so far, in a row
They keep getting broken
But it’s never my fault, you know

I love to drive but I’m dangerous
I take risks that most people don’t
If you ask me to drive your children
I’ll politely tell you I won’t

A lifetime of cars has left me
Wanting something quick and small
I wish they still made the old Mazda 3
It was my favourite car of all


Friday, 1 April 2016

Redheads in Bed

I’ve had three redheaded lovers
And all of them were pale
Ivory skinned and freckled
They were hard to keep out of jail

There was Christine, bubbly and curly
Freckled and fair as a an egg
Her drapes matched her carpet
A fiery little nest between her legs

Then there was Sarah, older than me
A poet who sighed when she came
She really wanted a mother like mine
But she settled for a son all the same

Then there was Diane, an actress
Fiery and demanding as shit
She was a terror as a lover
Every orgasm ended in fits

She'd scratch your eyes out
Then cry in a corner for a while
Then leap on your bones
And fuck you dry with a smile

I don’t want to be accused of gingerism
Of being intellectually lazy
But all the redheads I’ve loved
Were passionate, mad and crazy