A Four Hour Cruise (lyrics)

On a still November morning

The fog rolled in without warning

Just as we were casting off

With a Great Lake to cross

Twenty-eight miles straight

Set a course for three thirty eight

Four hours motoring would take us there

Until the fog came, the morning was fair

It was this last window of good weather

That Jim and I would try together

To get Sequoia across Ontario

To Toronto, to be her home

Fuel, check. Dog, check. Lunch, check

Radio doesn’t work. What the heck

The motor was brand new and

Had never been properly run in

We motored slowly out the river

Into the chop where we shivered

The fog was cold, the sun weak

Drops of moisture beaded the teak

The river current meets the lake wind

If you don’t fight it you’ll spin

Visibility was fifty feet

In weather like this you can’t cheat

Couldn’t get the radar to work

Now, as the pilot, I felt like a jerk

No radar, no radio, just eyes and a cell

This picnic cruise was looking like hell

Midway across Lake Ontario

The motor sputtered and started to go

We throttled back and nursed it

But in fifteen minutes we burst it

Dead in the water, fog all around

We weren’t in danger, weren’t going to drown

But we had committed a number of sins

And all our resources were growing thin

Out of the fog came looming

The police launch we usually see zooming

Across the harbor but this time

They were coming to throw us a line

I had gotten a buddy on my cell phone

It just barely had the guts to reach home

He texted the towboat’s number to me

I called, and asked them to come to sea

The police stayed with us ‘til the towboat came

They bid us goodbye, we did the same

The tow pilot put on a bridle

Off we went, with our prop in idle

Two hours it took to get to Toronto

At the end of a long wandering tow

We were nudged and bumped into our slip

And then I grabbed my stuff and jumped ship

It was supposed to be a four hour cruise

I’d done it before, it wasn’t news

Bad preparation pooched the trip

And I won’t sail again on that ship

Here's To Rock 'n' Roll

The music has guided me

And moved me all my life

Rock ‘n’ Roll will always be

My mother, my lover, my wife

I saw Mick and the Stones

Tour Exile on Main Street

Back then he had tone

And the jumpsuit fit so neat

I saw Pink Floyd at the Big “O”

The pig got away from them there

It started to fly off low

It was gone half way through Wish You Were Here

Elton John played for three solid hours

Eight costume changes too

He paused for less than half an hour

And played every song he knew

I saw Dave Van Ronk in Montreal

My hero, the man who taught Dylan

At the Yellow Door, and he played all

His best blues and it was thrilling

I was at Summer Jam at Watkin’s Glen

With the Dead, the Allmans and the Band

When it rained, everyone got wet as hens

But, in the end it was all just grand

I’ve seen Dylan three times

He was OK, then terrible, then OK

I never saw him when he was fine

But, then again, that’s the price you pay

Joni played one of those shows with Bob

It was at the Gardens and the sound was poor

She tossed out everything she could lob

But none of it made it off the floor

I saw a show where “No Show” didn’t show

But I met Merle Haggard there

I had a backstage pass, and it allowed

Me to meet June Carter Cash, so fair

I never saw the Eagles or Bruce

Two bands that fit my profile well

The E Street Band is still running loose

But Hotel California’s an empty shell

The music has guided me

And moved me all my life

Rock ‘n’ Roll will always be

My mother, my lover, my wife

A Life In Cars

My first car was a  '61 Cortina

I rolled it on Duck Farm Road

Stuck my head out the vertical window

And said “well I’ll be towed”

I’d learned to drive that summer

On a clapped out '65 Volvo 123

It lacked a fender and a wiper

And it didn’t have a battery

I’d have to park it on hills

And bump start it down the scree

It almost killed me doing that

When it pinned my arm to a tree

I didn’t get my license for years

You didn’t really have to in Quebec

I didn’t have insurance either

I was hopeless if there was a wreck

I graduated to real cars, Ladas, two

Some of the best cars I’ve called mine

They had wipers on the headlights

And a power takeoff to run a combine

I ended up owning Mazda 3s

I’m up to four so far, in a row

They keep getting broken

But it’s never my fault, you know

I love to drive but I’m dangerous

I take risks that most people don’t

If you ask me to drive your children

I’ll politely tell you I won’t

A lifetime of cars has left me

Wanting something quick and small

I wish they still made the old Mazda 3

It was my favourite car of all

Redheads in Bed

I’ve had three redheaded lovers

And all of them were pale

Ivory skinned and freckled

They were hard to keep out of jail

There was Christine, bubbly and curly

Freckled and fair as a an egg

Her drapes matched her carpet

A fiery little nest between her legs

Then there was Sarah, older than me

A poet who sighed when she came

She really wanted a mother like mine

But she settled for a son all the same

Then there was Diane, an actress

Fiery and demanding as shit

She was a terror as a lover

Every orgasm ended in fits

She'd scratch your eyes out

Then cry in a corner for a while

Then leap on your bones

And fuck you dry with a smile

I don’t want to be accused of gingerism

Of being intellectually lazy

But all the redheads I’ve loved

Were passionate, mad and crazy